I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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