Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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