I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
