I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
