I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
