Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
