He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
