Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
