is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
