Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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