We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I am naked and annoyed.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
