fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
