i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
