so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
