Can i not drive my cunt home
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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