I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
