I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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