Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
