he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
