Please, let me fuck your mom
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
