If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
