shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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