Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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