Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
