Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
