So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
