and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
