Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
someone threw a dead crab at me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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