I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Everclear isn't food dammit
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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