I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
