Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have fence marks all over my body
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
