What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I think my moral compass just broke
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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