Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
