my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
