at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
