Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
