you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
