my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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