I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
