I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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