he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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