so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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