Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize