I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
