Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
