tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
