Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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