So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
