I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
