Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
